crankville.

You know it’s gotten bad when you have to leave sticky notes for roommates apologizing for your crankiness. Just call me cait-crabby-mc-crabster eh? Even my past entries on here have been a little..hmm..disgruntled? I consciously thought today while walking through the quad that I am due for a “sprinkles, puff paint, if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands” type of post. But now that I am sitting here I realize that at this moment I don’t even have enough energy to bluff it.
Somehow, the dark cloud of midterms slowly rolled in without me even realizing it. Hey, where’d my sunshine go!? I am having one of those days when you keep telling yourself to breathe because, thank God you have enough self-awareness to at least try and calm down. But when you take a breathe it’s like you can’t quite push the oxygen down to that deep spot that is gasping for a little peace of mind. So I am sitting here bleary eyes on a bright screen, shallow breathes mixed with hits of caffeine. And let me tell you..quite the model pose.

I once heard that right after a woman gives birth, endorphins are released that induce a euphoria-like state. So much so, that the memory of oh, I don’t know…., maybe the MOST physically painful experience of her life, is somewhat blocked out and “Wha-la!” look who is ready to be preggie again. I don’t know if this is medically accurate or not but if so, thats a dirty sneaky trick Mother Earth! All that to say, I feel like something very mysteriously similar must happen with school. When I am out of school I float around talking about how much I LOVE school, how I want to be with it my whole life and how cait and school are sittin in a tree, k.i.s.s.i….wait no. But really, all these lovey, dreamy, feelings about school pump through my bloodstream . Ones that make me happy to just stand for hours in school supply aisles at the drug store and countdown the days till I get to go to office hours and open crisp new notebooks. I mean if thats not euphoria I don’t know what is? Yet, here I sit mid-school-contraction (ew sorry…bad visual) and all I can think is “I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.”

I’ll be ok though, I have just turned on some sexy sexy Al Green and sent up a “God do you see me down here stressin? a little help please?” prayer. I am due for another trip back to the coffee pot, and can at least thank God that he had the presence of mind to create that pretty little brown bean to carry me through these long nights. Nice one.

And I swear the sprinkles are coming soon.